What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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