My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
