Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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