He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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