something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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