Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
A+ Viking dick
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
