We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
