Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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