I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
