she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So vagazzling was a success
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
