alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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