Sry I called you an 8
My room smells like vodka and shame
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just tell him i said nine months
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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