i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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