Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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