But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
