p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
