please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
