??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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