I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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