Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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