I accidentally burped into my bong.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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