Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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