I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
