she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
