Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
