The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So many bounce houses so little time
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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