If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
