listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
