"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
