there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
