It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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