i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
