You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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