Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
