Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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