trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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