And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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