Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
