life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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