How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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