i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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