dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
