I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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