im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
