he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
