4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
