And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
