woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
