He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
