Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
a search helicopter?!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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