Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
