I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
