just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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