Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
