dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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