Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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