They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
