so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
