SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
