It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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