I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
